Archive for January 8th, 2012

todays last jokes,good night sweet dreams?

Question by manofwordsddn: todays last jokes,good night sweet dreams?
Real Business Signs
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”

In a Non-smoking area: “If we see you smoking we will assume you are
on fire and take appropriate action.”

On Maternity Room door: “Push, Push, Push.”
On a Front Door: “Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the
dog.”

At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking
for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a Scientist’s door: “Gone Fission”
On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
In a Podiatrist’s window: “Time wounds all heels.”
On a Butcher’s window: “Let me meat your needs.”
On another Butcher’s window: “Pleased to meat you.”
At a Used Car Lot: “Second Hand cars in first crash condition.”
On a fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a
car payment.”
Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you
coming.”

Outside a Hotel: “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”
At an Auto Body Shop: “May we have the next dents?”
In a Dry Cleaner’s Emporium: “Drop your pants here.”
On a desk in a Reception Room: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the
2nd one just left.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
On a Music Teacher’s door: “Out Chopin.”

At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your
bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

In a Beauty Shop: “Dye now!”

On the side of a Garbage Truck: “We’ve got what it takes to take what
you’ve got.” (Burglars please copy.)

On the door of a Computer Store: “Out for a quick byte.”

In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and
get fed up.”

Inside a Bowling Alley: “Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin
drop.”

In a Cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks
can eat any place they want.”

On the door of a Music Library: “Bach in a minuet.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.”
In a Counselor’s office: “Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is
optional.”

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Attempted Murder
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to
a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people
noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with
her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned
and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now
open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and
Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had
been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the
doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her
head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of
bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a
loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her
in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it
was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially
passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for
over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

Best answer:

Answer by mondayboss
to long for me got a short one

What do you think? Answer below!

how do i find the old snl video “dog show”?

Question by : how do i find the old snl video “dog show”?
i cant find this video anywhere. can someone please send me a link to the video or something?

Best answer:

Answer by lilly
youtube or hulu

What do you think? Answer below!